I'm still here... trying again.

I just want to be beautiful, to be noticed, to stand out in a crowded room. To have the guys look at me and think, "Damn, she is beauitful." Is that so vain? Can I want that without it being bad? I'm so tired of hating myself. They say you don't have to be skinny and beautiful to love yourself, and I get that. But I don't want to love what I have become. This isn't my best, and so I won't let it be okay. If I starve myself, it's not because I want to hurt my body. In fact, I want to take care of it. But I can't go to school like this, hating myself. I won't live life in hiding anymore. I want to be the healthy kind of skinny, have great legs, and look awesome in a bikini... and that's okay. It doesn't make me vain, or self obsessed. It just means that i'm going to fight for what I want. Sometimes i'm afraid that I might want all this just for the attention of the boys, and it's partly that. Although, I know that loving myself and my body will be far more important than ever getting a cute boys attention. It's going to be a fight, but i'm still here... trying again. And that means that I have not failed, there is still hope. I pray to God, to give me blind motivation. That the barriers of my mind will no longer beat me down... This time, I will succeed.

<3 OnTheCountOfTwo

-Montana/Hotel 6

A lesson learned.

There is a moment right before every wrong choice I have made when I realized what a bad choice I was making. In all those moments, I knew that what I was doing would not benefit me. But yet, I did it anyways. Why? Because of a temporary moment of weakness that I have given into cookie after cookie. If I can get past that period of struggle, then will I have finally learned this lesson?

The moments of weakness.

What makes the difference? The choices we make in a moment of weakness... When do we truly LEARN a lesson? Is it when it is no longer a weakness? Or all the little, but hard choices we make from day to day that
prove we have grown.

"I have learned that you always stick with you're partner. Especially during a fire." - Fireproof

Every Pound...

It's funny to think that the only real thing standing in front of me and complete happiness is myself. Like my issue with my weight. I have fed myself every pound... is it possible that the craving and the obsession is all in my head? I have the opportunity to be as great and beautiful as I choose. It's all up to me. Maybe that's what makes it so scary. The fact that we can't blame our failures on anything or anyone. We will all reap what we sow.

The Girl Holding The Sword

There comes moments in our lives when you lay in your bed and wonder if things will ever get better. Its easy to blame the world for what happens to us, but we should all know. The hardest challenge we will ever over come is ourselves.

<3 OnTheCountOfTwo

In his arms <\3

It's only late at night when the stars paint the sky and you pretend you're not alone that the sadness settles in your heart and keeps you tossing and turning. It's then that you wish there was someone to fill the empty space next to you. Maybe in their arms, everything would seem bearable.

<3 OnTheCountOfTwo

And he Slept his dream.

In the night, the stormy might, she closed her eyes and dreamed of paradise.

-Coldplay